The Taxidermy Bear Disguise Plan

Summary

The Taxidermy Bear Disguise Plan is an absurd escape scheme devised by Sucks during Session 10 of the campaign, after Vasso's Light spell revealed a Taxidermy Bear in their Metal Cell. The plan involved gutting the bear, removing all its stuffing, and having both characters climb inside—with Vasso on Sucks' shoulders—to create what Sucks believed would be a convincing bear disguise. Sucks intended to use his Wooden Stick Arm as a tail by shoving it through the bear's butthole, arguing that "two people want on top of each other. The other shoulders. That's like. That's bear."

Despite Vasso's objections that they were "not small boys," Sucks countered that "bears are huge" and invoked past favors to convince Vasso to participate. When preparing to execute the plan, the GM presented them with a choice between doing it slowly for a more convincing disguise or quickly with less convincing results. The party chose speed, with Dayna rolling a 9 for the execution.

Details

The plan emerged after Vasso cast a Light spell to illuminate their prison cell, revealing the taxidermy bear leaned against the wall. Sucks immediately proposed an escape strategy: "What I was thinking was that we get. We take the stuffing out of it and we get into it protecting. Pretend to be a bear scare the cards. You get on my shoulders. And then we go out there dressed as a huge bear."

When Vasso objected with "We're not small boys. Sucks," Sucks defended the plan's plausibility by noting that "bears are huge." Sucks elaborated on the mechanics of the disguise, explaining that one person would climb onto the other's shoulders, creating what Sucks described as bear-like proportions: "two people want on top of each other. The other shoulders. That's like. That's bear."

A key component of the plan involved Sucks' Wooden Stick Arm, which Sucks intended to use as a tail by shoving it through the bear's butthole. Sucks noted this would give them a three-armed appearance: "I have three arms."

Vasso initially suggested a more practical approach—using parts of the bear to pick the lock instead—but Sucks persisted with the disguise plan. Sucks invoked a debt, claiming Vasso owed them for multiple past sacrifices:

Opening the caustic barrel container
Getting purple goo all over themselves and receiving a tattoo from it
Pretending to have diarrhea and slipping in purple goo outside the old man's place

Sucks recounted: "I was pretending to have diarrhea and I used this purple goo and then I slipped in it and then the purple goo attached the stick to my body." Vasso did not remember some of these events, as they had occurred while Vasso was in autopilot.

Shawn sarcastically commented on the escalating absurdity: "Each one of these ideas is more plausible than the last."

Regarding mechanics, Shawn confirmed that gutting the bear wouldn't require a roll but would take a while. The players debated whether rolling might make it happen faster, though this was not resolved.

Eventually, Vasso gave reluctant agreement: "I don't think I owe you, but let's just do it because what else are we doing right now?" Vasso began to feel they owed Sucks a favor.

When preparing to execute the plan, Shawn presented them with a choice: "I'll give you the option. You could do it slow and you might be able to actually look like a bear. Maybe. Or you could do it fast and be less convincing."

After brief consultation, the players chose speed. When one player asked, "But what if we succeed? Can we be convincing and do it fast?", Shawn clarified the mechanics: "The convincing part can probably be a defy danger charisma of some kind when you're actually in the costume."

Dayna rolled for the execution, achieving a 9. Abdul commented on the dice sound while rolling a 1 himself. The group joked about the banking mechanic, with Shawn stating, "Can't bank. I'm sorry, I don't make the rules." One player noted with relief, "Good thing we didn't roll."

Shawn confirmed that when the time came to actually fool guards while wearing the costume, both participants would need to make defy danger rolls to determine if their disguise held up under scrutiny.

Participants

Sucks — Conceived and championed the plan, invoking past favors to persuade Vasso to participate, provided the tail component via his Wooden Stick Arm
Vasso — Initially skeptical but eventually agreed to participate, cast the Light spell that revealed the bear
Dayna — Rolled a 9 for the execution
Abdul — Rolled a 1 and made observations about dice noise
Taxidermy Bear — The intended disguise material
Shawn — Game Master who provided mechanical rulings and sardonic commentary on the plan's escalating implausibility

Consequences

Vasso agreed to participate in the plan despite its obvious flaws
Vasso began to feel indebted to Sucks for past sacrifices
The party chose to execute the plan quickly rather than slowly, accepting a less convincing disguise in exchange for speed
Dayna's roll of 9 determined the outcome of the initial execution phase
The banking mechanic was invoked, preventing Dayna's 9 from being saved for later use
A future defy danger charisma roll was established as necessary when attempting to fool guards while in the Taxidermy Bear costume