Cow Pies

Summary

Cow pies are a source of profound confusion and comic misunderstanding in Session 5 of the campaign. While the term is a euphemism for cow dung, Sucks becomes convinced that cows literally produce and abandon pastries on the ground. The misunderstanding begins during the party's scouting mission when Kat mentions that cow pies exist and that cows make them, leading Sucks to develop an intense fixation on finding these mysterious cow-made baked goods. The confusion drives much of the conversation between Sucks and Kat as they scout ahead, with Sucks pursuing the matter relentlessly.

Sucks's obsession with cow pies reveals his naivety about rural and agricultural life. He asks detailed questions about how similar they are to pumpkin pies, where they emerge from the cow, and whether their taste depends on the cow's diet. Both Cat and Brad play along with the misunderstanding rather than correct it, with Brad providing increasingly elaborate explanations that deepen Sucks's confusion and determination to locate and consume a cow pie upon reaching New Smoke.

Details

The cow pie misunderstanding unfolds through a series of earnest questions from Sucks. He declares, "I can't stop thinking about these fucking cow pies. It's all my mind is thinking about now. How similar are they to pumpkin pies?" Brad responds that they're "not very" similar but adds that "it depends what you feed the cow," suggesting that feeding a cow a pumpkin pie might result in a pumpkin-pie-flavored cow pie.

Sucks attempts to understand the mechanics of cow pie production, asking "So milk comes out of a cow's boobs. Where do the pies come out of?" Brad maintains the fiction by explaining that cow pies are "usually just left on the ground" and that "no one knows where they come from." This explanation only heightens Sucks's fascination rather than raising his suspicion.

The comparison to Goober's abilities appears when Sucks draws a parallel: "So it's like Goober where he. If you feed him a pumpkin pie, he'll make a pumpkin pie." This comparison between cow pie production and Goober's food replication abilities becomes part of Brad's explanation, reinforcing Sucks's belief that cow pies are actual pastries created through some mysterious biological process.

Sucks notes practical obstacles to his quest, observing "Well, it isn't pie season right now, so" — applying seasonal logic to what he believes is agricultural pastry production. Despite this concern, he remains determined: "We gotta find a cow pie and then eat it or something."

The party's destination factors into Sucks's plans, as he wonders whether "they have cows out there" in New Smoke, calculating his chances of finally encountering these elusive cow-made pastries.

History

Session 5

The cow pie confusion emerges during the party's journey and scouting mission in Session 5. Kat introduces the concept, mentioning that cow pies exist and that cows make them and leave them on the ground. Sucks immediately latches onto this information, completely missing that "cow pie" is a euphemism for dung.

Sucks repeatedly returns to the topic, telling Kat, "You gotta tell me about these fucking cow pies." His questions grow increasingly specific as he tries to understand these supposed pastries: "They make pies and then just leave them places. I've never seen a cow do this. We gotta find some of these pies. I gotta get one of them."

Brad and Cat maintain the joke rather than correct Sucks's understanding, with Brad providing elaborate explanations about how the taste of a cow pie depends on what the cow is fed. The misunderstanding continues unresolved through the session, with Sucks declaring his intention to find and eat a cow pie when they reach New Smoke, still believing he is searching for actual baked goods rather than cow droppings.